just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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