i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
