if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
