i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
