I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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