remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize