my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
