wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My Sexting was not on an AP level
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize