yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
