she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
