I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
