My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
