Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize