I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
