We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
