I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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