I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Two words: nipple clamps
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