Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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