my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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