Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
