All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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