im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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