tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
