ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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