you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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