i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
