Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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