I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize