don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
