I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
