if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
