I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
