who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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