when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize