New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
