I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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