he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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