I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
