I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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