i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
