Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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