Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
