i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
