i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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