She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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