so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
