You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
