Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize