but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
