i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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