she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
