It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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