i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
