Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
