dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
