Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
