Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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