...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
