you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
