You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
