My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
