What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
