office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
