Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
