I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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