bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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