She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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