In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
