Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize