The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
