:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
