Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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