just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize