This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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