Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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