Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
