yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize