Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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