Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
