In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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