this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
