So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
