Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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