her vagine was all disorganized.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
