I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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