Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
