If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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