SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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