If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
