The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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