I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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