The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
